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Making more connections to learn about this different world I seemed to be a part of.īeing gay turned me into a paranoid liar. All of these new names I could take to the library and research. It was so shocking I immediately went out and bought myself a copy. They even got unsuspecting people to read out excerpts from 120 days of Sodom by the Marquis De Sade. They showed Sebastiane by Derek Jarman and had a documentary about gay artists where I learned about Robert Mapplethorpe and Andres Serrano, the creator of Piss Christ. Channel 4 broadcast something called the ‘Banned Season’ a season of controversial films and documentaries. Then in 1991 something miraculous happened. Looking for clues I remember noticing that the Women’s Press publishers were a good bet, they had bold black and white diagonal stripes on the spines so were easily spotted. There wasn’t a specific gay section that I remember, even if there were I don’t think I’d have had the courage to be seen browsing it, but I’d search the fiction section methodically. I scoured the central library on a regular basis for any books by, or that mentioned, anything to do with gays. Another reason teaching children about all relationships is so important in a tolerant society. I think all boys learn to be ashamed of the feminine in the same way. I learned to be ashamed of being gay before I really understood what it meant. I didn’t know gay people were meant to be bad until I learned it from the adults around me, from the language used, from the stories in the paper. Being accepted ‘despite’ your affliction, like I’m looking for absolution and forgiveness from my perversion. To be called feminine is a slur that strikes at the heart of what it is to be a man. Even the language used around the subject is loaded with negative meaning. To be fair to my Dad, when he found out I was gay he accepted it and told me he still loved me. I remember the feelings of shame, like I’d been caught doing something wrong when I was just a kid having fun.
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It seemed my movements were too feminine, because my dad mumbled something about being a pansy. I remember once, prancing around the house in my step mum’s blue dance leotard which I’d commandeered as part of a home-made Spiderman costume. Gay people were described as plague carriers, perverts and sad, lonely men that would die alone of disgusting diseases. “EastEnders is turning into “EastBenders”…with two gays joining the soap’s line up.” and “A homosexual love scene between two yuppie poofs…”
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The newspapers were horrific in their description of gay men.
UNSUSPECTING GAY PRIDE TATTOO TV
TV was Larry Grayson, John Inman and eventually Barry the bent barrow boy on Eastenders. I grew up in a time of no mobile phones or internet and only four TV channels, so my knowledge of gay people was limited to TV, newspapers and my local library. I knew I liked boys from a very early age but at that point didn’t know about this other community. I think my first experience of anything ‘Not Straight’ was flicking through my Nana’s Danny La Rue programmes. Pride means different things to different people and this Pride season I really thought about what it means to me. When your existence is constantly up for debate and your rights could depend on the whim of a polarised electorate, it’s important to keep fighting to protect those hard won rights and highlight that there are millions around the world that don’t have equality. Even now attitudes are turning against us. Even now, people are protesting that children shouldn’t learn about us, as if our very existence is offensive, while some politicians treat LGBT+ people as a problem to be solved or cured. Plenty has been written on why we need Pride as a community. It’s gay Pride season and I keep seeing the tone deaf and provocative “When is straight pride?” and “You’ve got equality, why do you still need Pride?” all over twitter.